The Trouble with Tribbles

If anyone has seen this startrek episode, you will understand the title. If not, google it. :)

This morning I was doing my normal watering routine. Since it is (give or take) a BILLION degrees outside this week, I have to water almost every other day. We have a palm out back in a pot that has been on the mend since my dear, sweet Sophia has decided to take a liking to the flavor of it. I was checking it out, noticing that something has been eating - no, "nibbling" ("eating" is reserved for Sophia's verb) - on my one and only leaf. "Grr!" I said. "This poor plant!". It had started growing toward the sun, so I reached down to turn the pot so it would grow the other way, and... "OUUUUCHHHH! OMG OMG THAT HURTS OMG!!" Just then I saw the culprit tumble to the ground. A little fuzzy cocoon had trickled off the pot, onto the table and through the holes. I was in burning pain, so I didn't research it any further at that moment. I looked at my hand, and couldn't see what the beast had done to me. Was I imagining it? Was this a mental pain? I pondered that for a second. Then my hand exclaimed, "THROB!!!". "Hello?! I saaiiidd THROB! THROB! THROBBY THROBITY!" Sophia, obviously not grasping the fact that my hand would combust if she so much as sniffed it, wanted desprately to see what had pulled any attention she had the possibility of comandeering, away from her. "What is it Mom? huh? huh? what had happened? yuck yuch, ooh - shiny thing- huhugh!". I ran inside to wash the fire out of my hand, but it wasn't helping. I was immediately sick to my stomache. What had this thing done to me?! I got a benadryl out of the medicine kit, and some ice from the freezer, and grabbed an empty pickle jar (what? you don't have one of those lying around? ha!) When I got to the crime scene, the little a-hole was still there! Didn't it KNOW I'd be back for my revenge? But then I looked at it. It looks like a Star Trek Tribble! Little brown fuzzy bugger. I looked around him, thinking, "this thing couldn't have hurt me. what else is there? I can't tell my friends that a marshmallow brought me to my knees!". But this was it! I scooped him into the jar, honestly thinking, "if I die, I want them to know what happened.". I wondered if I should bring him to the hospital with me so this new species of killer alien could be discovered, and I would get a prize for taking the first blow from this fuzzy killer cottonball! I texted Exo a picture of him, and went next door to show the neighbors. Thano gave me some ice and we googled "stinging caterpillar". After a few very strange, very ugly, finds, we found him! Apperantly they are pretty common. Damn! No prize for me. He is a (ridiculous - this is the name of the little squishy critter that tried to eat my hand) Puss Moth Caterpillar. Puss Moth? Seriously?! Yep, that's him. His little hairs are poisonous, and stab into your skin. That - it did. I don't have to go to the doctor, but I would love a volunteer to cut my hand off at the wrist please. Here is a link so you can learn about the wonders of our outside world and the PUSS MOTH CATERPILLAR! http://neuro.bcm.edu/eagleman/asp/ Ha. Dumb thing. I named him... Pussy. Now who's laughing? Huh? Huh??? Jerk. I'm going to lay down. And he... is still in the pickle jar!

It all seems normal until someone sees you doing it...

So, this week is the week of the critters. On Saturday, Exo and I were out working on our garden. Exo was on the roof cutting limbs, and I was planting flowers and plants in our front garden (the plants we rescued from the sale rack at Lowes! They were so sad!) So, while we are working, Thano comes out to help, er... supervise... um, we'll call it "chat". Suddenly, Thano yells, "oh no! watch out watch out watch out!". At this point I could've either 1.) asked him what the heck I was to "watch out" for, although that would've been far too easy and take waaaayyyy too long. 2.) stood up and ran away from the spot i was in at that time, again - far too logical, or 3.) stay in my squatted position and... are you ready for this... curl forward into a ball and cover my head. *ding ding ding!!!* You guessed it. Seconds later, the cut angle of the trimmed 3 inch thick branch hits me right in the kidney (area - not my ACTUAL kidney silly) with a dull thud. "OWWWUUUCHAA! WTH!??", I asked my oblivious husband. "Oh, sorry", he said. "You knew I was up here cutting limbs! You should watch out!". Fired. Totally fired. I looked up to see Thano with his "Holy cheese-balls?!" face on. After I regained my breath, I decided I would make it, and continued to garden. Part of this gardening involved planting some plans next to a birdhouse that some weird little bees decided to take over and build a nest in. I made a deal with them - if you don't bite me, I won't kill you. We have an understanding. I don't want to kill them. They pollinate my flowers, therefore they can stay. :) So I was digging in the dirt and must have hit a rock and disturbed the nest, so my newfound friends came out to check out the intruder's intentions. Not that I didn't trust them to take our agreement seriously, but I thought I'd give them some space for a while.... in the form of RUNNING AWAY to the other end of the yard! When I came back they had settled down, but I still wanted those flowers in the ground, so I asked Exo if he would move the bee-house for a while. "What?!!! No, you aren't serious. YOU ARE?! The things I do for you, woman". So he put a towel over the opening of the first story of the house, and moved it to the middle of the front yard. "What do I do with it now?", he asked. "Run like hell", I replied. So he did, and we did. We could hear them in their buzzing pissiness, from the neighbor's yard! So, after they calmed down, I took care of the flowers, etc, and while I was doing so, I turned around to find out what Exo was doing. And there he was, in full army crawl - mouth open in awe - inching toward the little bee house! "Come look!" he beconed "You can see the weird little nest!". "Really?!", I asked in wonder as I crouched into my best girly ninja crawl to join him. "oooohhhh wow! That's so coooolll!" I said, inching closer. So there we were, the two of us, just a few feet from the bee house on our bellies in the front yard. Just then, a car drove by. We both watched as the driver rubberneckingly stared at us, like they had never seen two people stalking a little white house in their own yard before. At that point I reflected a bit - you know, alot of things seem normal... until someone else sees you doing it! We have since moved the bee's abode to a hook in the corner, and off the ground, so that I don't bother them, and vise versa, in the future. Take a look at the picture of the house and the nest above! so coooolll! lol hahahaha
More to come about the critters in our yard. This is their world, we just live in it!

Breath... it's beautiful.

So this unemployed thing has gotten out of hand. I am officially on vacation. Sure... we work on the houses. And yeeeeesss, we are starting a power washing biz (http://www.underpressure-dfw.com/). And of course I'm planning on getting my butt back in school in the fall. But in the mean time..... I'm reacquainting myself with my life! I have friends! And a beautiful family! And the best husband in the world! I love to sit and listen to the rain. And take naps when I want to. And I love having a CLEAN house! Who knew???

This too shall pass, but in the mean time, it's the best thing that could've happened to my mental health!

Unemployment and Me, by Julia Martinez

Hello all! I woke up this morning refreshed... at 8:30. I didn't have to drag myself from my cozy sheets for a dumb J.O.B. or anything! DTE was kind enough to do that for me today... and... every day. Heyyy! Wait a minute! What just happened? Ah crap! I got fired!!!!! Sneaky buggers, ain't they? Well, it's true, in our small 20+ person office yesterday, 5 people got "laid off", a/k/a canned, a/k/a put on an extended vacation without pay (you get the idea). I was PISSED at the time. I cried, stopped, cried, signed a severance agreement, stopped crying, called my boss (got her voicemail) and told her how pissed I was at her for not giving me advance warning (really Julia? really?) and for not being here when it happened WHILE crying, stopped crying, and went home to change into work clothes to go paint in and met Exo at Riverside. Exo asked me 3 times why I was mopy. I kept reminding him that NEITHER OF US HAVE A JOB!! Then it clicked - he asked, "Is this your first time getting FIRED?". "yes", I said. "Ooooohhhh! Now I understand! I was pissed the first time too! I've just gotten used to it, and don't get upset any more!" said Exo. I just looked at him. How could you possibly get "used to" getting canned!? I don't get it. And don't WANT to. I have updated my resume, and had planned on attending a job fair today - cancelled - Swine Flu. So I'm going to see the new Wolverine movie instead. I am going to try reallly hard to not get too comfortable with this situation. I can see it being easy to slip into the "i don't wannas".
This is also day 5 of my Master Cleanse! Yay! The Power Juicy is not tasting any better, but it's easier to drink than it used to be. I've totally lost all desire to eat. I forgot about the juice even until 11:00 today! I feel better. I've lost almost 7 pounds, and have ENERGY!
Well, I'm off to get ready to go to the movies now. I hope everyone had a productive day at their Job! I have updated my resume, so if anyone knows of any high-paying tanning or vacationing, or jobs where I could get a massage once a week, please let me know! haha

Day 2 (ish)

I think I need a wine rack... rofl! That... is genious. There is a "beer belly" too. Rediculous. Actually, I think if I had a glass of wine (Michelle...) I would probably be drunk within the first sip or two. This is "officially" day 2 of my Master Cleanse, but I'm counting it as day 3 because, well, in true Jennifer Berger style - I already created a spreadsheet at home that inquires daily about (1) how I am feeling, (2) my energy level, and (3) weight lost - all by the day... starting Monday. So I can't change it! It sits lovingly on my toilet tank so that when I wake up and tredge my way to my evil dreaded scale, (who has adopted a maniacle screaching laugh, btw) every morning, I can adorn it with those three tantalizing items of interest. So, you see, I am really on day 3. Ha. And how am I feeling? Thanks for asking. I feel fine. Like nothing has changed. I'm not really hungry. My breath is kinda funky, but it's to be expected from a syrup, lemon, cayenne pepper combo, right? Helloooooooo daaaaarliiinnngggg. (that's when you fall over from my breath...) Exo has actually given me kudos for staying strong this time. Last time I was doing a 3 day cleanse "with him", I caved the first day, and went to lunch with Nelda and the gang at work!

On a different note... lala laalalalaaaaaaaaa! Ahem... I am on book 3 of the Twilight series right now. I listen to it on audio book during my trips in the car, and when I've got a mindless task that I can't screw up at work! I was engeneering just such a task today, so I switched on a little Edward/Jacob/Bella drama. Ahh... :) So, if anyone has read this already, you'll know what I mean when I say, I was just after the "tent scene" (space heater... haha) when Victoria is coming for Bella. Very, very tense part of the book... danger surrounding her... passion in the air... she's coming through the forest... and..... then.... MY FREAKING IPOD DIED!!!!!! OMG! Seriously?! I can't get a break today. I'm pretty sure my ipod and my bathroom scale are in cahoots! Well, I'll just have to listen to it in the morning on my way to work. Drat! :)

Hope everyone has a wonderful Wet Wednesday! Cheers, ya'll. :)

The Master MASTER Cleanse... again...

The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain't so.-- Mark Twain

OK... Day 1... again.

I have officially beaten my record held from yesterday! Yay! I feel much more motivated today, with the support of my friend Michelle. She has braved this storm before, and the force is stronge with her! I have learned that whether you think you can, or you think you can't... you are right! And I can! Cuz I CAN CAN CAN!! (Moulin Rouge, anyone?)

I've also chosen this time to learn how to crochette... looks easy. Ain't easy (yet). I find that the silence helps the gurgles in my stomache enunciate better. We are bonding. I wonder who started this crochetting business? Some old lady sat down one day and said, "Hey kid! Give me a rope! And a stick! I'm gonna try to make a bunch of complicated knots in it and create a SOCK!" I think I'm trying to entertain my future old lady self with the mad-skills I'm acquiring right now! Not that I'll remember them then... I can't even remember stuff now! Exo tells me I need some Ginko Beloba. At least I think he told me that... I can't remember.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Exo is working on getting the Riverside house finished during his "time off" from work. Thano's brother, Yorgo, is helping with the painting, so that's a huge help. He also moved into the Jefferson house! :) If anyone knows of any jobs with benefits (not THOSE kinds of benefits - pervert), Yorgo needs it - the job, that is.

Well, that's all the wisdom (or lack thereof..) I have to share with you today. Praise God for another wonderful day. We are so Blessed.

The Master Cleanse...

I am officially... a weenie. I only made it through breakfast time today before defaulting to THE FOODY! The premise of the MC is to go 10 days on lemon/maple syrup/cayenne pepper water... and "flush" everything out at night via a Salt Water Concoction or Chinese torture Tea (here is the website for inquiring minds... http://themastercleanse.org/). Well, 11.5 hours into the first day... I totally went and bought a salad for lunch! In my defense, Jennifer was supposed to start with me today, and DIDN'T (thanks alot, JEN! lol) so it sort of took the wind out of my sails. I'm going to try again tomorrow. I just can't believe my will lasted for such a short amount of time! Gaahhh!
Why am I doing this, you might ask (and I am too, so I will now answer us BOTH)? Well, I have been soooo tired lately. And I have had no motivation to get out and go anywhere or exercise. I have heard good things about this giving people more energy, and helping kick-start a good diet program, so I figured, HEY! I'd like some energy! And Hey! I'd like to fit into SOMETHING in my closet! Sounds like a plan! It's just not as easy as I thought it would be...
Well, I'll take any support you'd like to send my way! Cheers!